Have you ever experienced one of those moments where you inexplicitly know your life and your view of the world will never be the same again? Those moments have become a regular commodity in my life as of late. It seems with every passing day the realization of the reality surrounding my existence grows further and further from the ideologies of the childhood. But it is not only my environment or world that is so drastically changing…it is also the people I have learned to love and trust. It’s not only those people but also the few individuals who have been pivotal in the foundation of my life and faith. Upon discussing this with one such trusted individual they reassured me it was all a part of “growing up” and that I had hit the nail on the head so to say with my thoughts.

While I always knew the people surrounding me were not static...I some how deep down believed that a select few would remain steadfast in the role and influence they had come to have in my life. However, after a few conversations with those individuals I began to see another side of them I had missed before. I guess in a way I started to see the humanity within all those I deeply loved.

Even though my change of view stems from watching them act in ways that surprised me I would not call this realization their fall from grace. I think it is more my own maturation of views, ideologies, and understanding of the world around me. I became very aware I was no longer content to allow individual X to tell me what to think or individual Y to tell me how I was to feel. The hardest part has been to see that it was not them that had changed for better or worse…it was in fact me. Suddenly wisdom once imparted by valued elders became suspect. Not that I have come to throw out all that I have held dear…but I have started to carefully weigh out ever decision, every piece of information and advice before I come to a conclusion.

I have come to realize the humanity that is in all of us. The humanity I always knew was there but a part of me wanted those trusted guardians of my faith to be above all of that. Those that love me worked hard to raise these individuals onto high pedestals through out my youth and adolescence. Pedestals, I believe, they wish I would also one day strive to attain. Now looking back on it I can only see it has manufactured the false sense of perfection of faith in my life. The notion that I would never and could never measure up to those highly regarded faith filled individuals in my life encompassed my every thought. Failure became my only option and as one that has often strived to put for the best effort knowing this fate was worse then anything I could imagine. But through this “failure” I have never felt closer to God or more alive.

Allowing those trusted individuals in my life to fail or fall down has allowed myself the ability to let my own personal failure to occur. It has allowed me the ability:
- to find forgiveness for being human
- to not be perfect
- to not have all the answers
- to not be wise beyond my years and let my inexperience in life show through
- to be humble
- to allow for the embrace of failure as a real process of life and faith
- and finally the hope to find God in the midst of it all.

Skakes

“This is another day, O Lord. I know not what it will bring forth, but make me ready, Lord, for whatever it may be. If I am to stand up, help me to stand bravely. If I am to sit still, help me to sit quietly. If I am to lie low, help me to do it patiently. And if I am to do nothing, let me do it gallantly. Make these words more them words, and give me the spirit of Jesus. Amen”
-Anglican Prayer Book