it was always your smile

It was always your smile and warmth that brought me back to you when things were rough. But when I became the reason your smile had faded and your warmth had left I knew I had no time left...

There is a part of me that wishfully thinks that things could have been different...

There are times I wish I would have never been as vulnerable over the last two months when I knew deep down somewhere that you were just finished with "us"...

I wish there was a part of me that could believe I could fall out of love with as much abandon as I fell into it...

I wish I could say that I wasn't hurt or that I wouldn't be for much longer...

I wish I could just forget what had happen or for that matter what didn't.

I wish I could believe that falling out of love with you would be as much of a choice as people make it out to be.

I wish you could have seen just how hard I had been working at things in the last month.

Most of all I just wish you would have realized just how genuine I was, how much I cared about you, and how much of "me" you had gotten wrong over the last 2 months.

But as much as I wish I know none of the above matters much now. I have to realize that I could have never been who or what you needed...and even though I tried you never would have given me that chance anyway. I guess sometimes when you really love someone you just have to let them go...as hard as that is.

Skakes

"Never regret anything you have done with a sincere affection; nothing is lost that is born of the heart" - Basil Rathbone

Rough month...
Rougher weekend...
But this afternoon at 5:20pm I had an epiphany that allowed me to move past all the hurt and pain of the days prior. The personal doubt I had been allowing to brood over the last 1.5 months is gone and that has allowed me to see myself the way others always have. I am thankful for many things...but mainly God, My family, and my friends. Couldn't have made it without you.

This still hurts but not nearly as much as I had thought it would...I am glad for my new outlook and am excited to reconnect with numerous people and new activities!

skakes